At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
