I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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