The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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