I wanna bring you to show and tell
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
