Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
