The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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