I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
