I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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