counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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