So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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