Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
