He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pooping to opera.
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