new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize