He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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