I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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