I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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