what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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