I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
