I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
