Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize