His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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