I just threw up on my dentist
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
