We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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