battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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