if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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