i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
