she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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