i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
