I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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