Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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