Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
