I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
