I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
