It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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