And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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