When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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