I hate your face
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
