Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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