I wish I only lived at night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
