Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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