it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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