32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
