When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
