i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
