Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
