I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
