nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
