$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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