After last night, I could never be a politician.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
