he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
