I love black thongs
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
