Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
