yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
