do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
