just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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