worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
