thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
