I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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