What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
