Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
