I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize