At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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