u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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