We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
