I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
